Barely Breathing – Duncan Sheik

I know what you’re doing, I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far

I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well, it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why
I say goodbye

‘Cos I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting, a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, it’s worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

‘Cos I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting, a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, it’s worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway,
I’m thinking it over anyway

I’ve come to find, I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please don’t come and go

‘Cos I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting, a fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, it’s worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway
I’m thinking it over anyway

I know what you’re doing,
I see it all too clear

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Busy Mode *ON*

busycat

Sorry folks, I haven’t been writing the past couple of weeks — it’s been a bit hectic at work. I haven’t been this super busy in a very, very long time. Well, to say that I’m busy is probably an understatement.

I’m hoping to find time to write in the coming weekends (because weekdays/workdays are just really not possible).. please come back soon ;)

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Not-So-Ordinary Night

It’s a natural high
Can’t help but smile
With just a mere hello
All my senses seem to go

I’m crazy, maybe
To fall in and out of love
But it just seems fitting
To be weirded out by this feeling..

Of love, if that’s what it is
Or well, might be something in between
All I know is that I’m giddy and funny and light
In this not-so-ordinary night

And what could a dose
Of caffeine possibly lack
Or cover up the rush of
Something i’ve been holding up

It’s an endless series of hello’s and goodbye’s
Of wishful thinkings, daydreaming and deep sighs
Makes no sense to go back but then again
I have the urge to have this feeling..

Of love, if that’s what it is
Or well, might be something in between
All I know is that I’m giddy and funny and light
In this not-so-ordinary night

Tried to fight it
Tried to hide it
But here I am still
Tried to leave you
Tried to forget you
But then, there’s a feeling..

Of love, if that’s what it is
Or well, might be something in between
All I know is that I’m giddy and funny and light
In this not-so-ordinary night

I’m giddy and funny and light
I’m floating and smiling and in flight
I hope I dream about you
In this not-so-ordinary night

Originally written on Nov. 1, 2004, 12:o8 AM
Source: http://icecroft-compositions.blogspot.com/2004/11/not-so-ordinary-night.html

(NOTE: Wrote this poem a few years ago.. I’m quite amused that it looks like lyrics from a song. Maybe when I know how to make a decent melody, I can actually turn this into a song :) And well, I’m also surprised how the words hold true with my life now ♥)

Tadhana – Up Dharma Down

(Reposting the extended, rehearsal version of my latest favorite song)

Sa hindi inaaasahan
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nagdugtong,
Damang dama na ang ugong nito
Hindi pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas sayo
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta

Ba’t di pa patulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Tayong umaasang
Hilaga’t kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip sayo

Saan nga ba patungo
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo

Ba’t di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipauubaya na lang ba ‘to sa hangin
Wag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako at nakikinig sayo

Ba’t di salubungin ang puso ko at kunin
Ang diwang malaya, ‘wag nawang mapapayapa
Ikaw ang pag-ibig, pakinggan ang himig ko
Kaya wag sanang lalayo
Mundong ito ay lilito
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Never looking back

Never looking backvia Pinterest

What a big difference more than one year makes. Actually, I’m amazed with how much progress I’ve had just with the past couple of months or so.

Just a few months ago, I was still trying to make sense of everything and was trying to understand how I can still possibly love and care for someone who doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. I was confused and definitely missing that person tremendously – clearly, I haven’t completely moved on then. And though I knew things will never go back to the way it was, at the back of my mind I knew I was still hoping that there would be some sort of unexpected romantic twist in our story.

But now, things are different. Maybe the universe conspired for everything to happen at this exact moment — some stories that confirmed things I already knew all along (but made it more painful to find out as truth); some conversations that made me realize so many things about myself and my outlook about life and love; and some people who have made me feel that there is more to life than pain and heartbreak and that I deserve so much better.

It did feel that I could never love the same way again. And that I am broken beyond repair. But maybe I just needed time — I needed my world to crash and now it’s time to rebuild it. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself when the truth was — it was never really about me, it was about him and his issues. I did the best that I can, I gave it my all. There is no way for me to change the way he feels or looks at things, but I have control over how I feel about all of this. And now I choose to move forward.

Something just clicked and then there was that — the resolve to never look back.

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